Fear really doesn’t have to stop you.
In working with people, when someone tells me what is stopping them is fear, I help them dive into the fear rather than avoid it which is our natural tendency. Not necessarily doing what they are afraid of, but deconstructing the fear.
We break the fear down step-by-step, walking through the fear in the mind or imagination. Each step of the way my client decides what choices they could make to handle each part if the fear were it to be realized.
When we put the clothes of reality on our fears, it lets us relate to them in a more realistic way. They become a known quantity.
Top athletes often use this method to train for things going wrong. I remember reading about how Phelps trained for his goggles failing, so when they did fill with water during an olympic race, he didn’t panic and won the race.
In my learning to surf bigger waves, part of my training has been to think through what I would do and how I would handle different things that could go wrong out there.
Even just being held under the water by a big set. One of the techniques is to go to a happy place in your imagination while you are being thrashed about by the wave. This can help you stay a little calmer, which makes your heart go a little slower, which makes your breath last longer. You actually choose your imaginary happy place before you paddle out into the ocean. There’s other things, like how will you handle your leash breaking and losing your board. You think through these scenarios, and you train for some of them too.
Does this make me less afraid? Not really. I still feel the fear. What it does is help me handle that feeling so it doesn’t stop me.
There are even certain situations where how I “handle” the problem in the big surf is that I die. That’s one of the last things I’m looking to do, and if that seems like too much of a likelihood, I’m not going out in the surf that day. That isn’t the fear stopping me. It is my wisdom. It’s called being smart.
When I do go out on what is a big day for me, I’m still afraid. Something is wrong with you if you aren’t afraid of the ocean. That fear translates to respect. You respect its power.
It is on those days that I go despite my fear. What has helped me do that is this process of deconstructing the situation that is causing me fear, not with the intention of getting rid of the fear, but so that I can embrace the fear and not let it stop me.
This same process is really helpful in life. It is something I often use with my clients. You break down the fears so you understand how you could handle them. Then you decide whether it is for your highest good to do that thing or not.
Once you choose to do it, just tell yourself “I’ve got this.” And you will know it’s true even in the face of the fear because you’ve already played it out in your mind and imagination. You’ve won inside before you have stepped foot in the ring.
You know '“I’ve got this”, not because it’s a nice thing to say. Not because you’re being positive. Not because you’re just trying to convince yourself. You know you’ve got this, because you’ve deconstructed the fears, faced the challenges in your imagination, and know a way you can handle it. You actually know that you’ve got this!
such good advice.
I love you Nat