Updating Yourself

What happened, happened. What now?

I was gazing out at the water and the waves from my car which I had driven onto the beach. It was early morning and I had woken up in a bad place. I needed a pep talk and I was the only one there to give it.

“What happened, happened. It doesn’t exist except how you’re holding onto it inside of you.”

“So it happened? You are where you are now.”

“You can hold onto it and let it affect your attitude towards where you’re at, or you can let it go.”

“You can just let it go now.”

“You can forgive it.”

“It’s only affecting you.”

One of the focuses that I am tracking right now is impeccability, which I define as using your energy towards your purpose. This was not starting out as an easy day to maintain that focus as I was battling inner demons (figuratively, in this instance) . 

I needed to update myself into this moment. My mind and emotions were responding to ghosts of the past that apparently hadn’t been put to rest. I needed to let it go so I could get to now.

I needed to get my head on straight, at least enough to move forward. I like watching the waves because their constant impermanence visualizes the movement of this moment in time. It is always now. You can’t hold onto the last wave and there’s always another one. I needed to somehow apply this observation to where I was inside of me.

Eventually, my morning chat with myself came to an end. I chose to not luxuriate in my depression, but rather to start doing. I still didn’t feel like doing. I had no desire to do anything. I wasn’t thinking too highly of myself and my current situation. 

The danger when you’re feeling down is to start comparing yourself to others so that you can beat yourself with that stick too. My mind flirted with that negative opportunity but I didn’t let myself go home with it. I’ve been around that block enough times to know that it’s a waste of energy and gets you nowhere good.