Reinventing Yourself
I was at the beach the other day and started to talking with this local surfer girl that I know. She had just gotten out of the water from a surf session, and I was watching the waves deciding whether to go in. As sometimes happens when I ask a few questions, she opened up and shared with me about the existential crisis she had been going through.
As we spoke further, she shared that the emotional stress and pressure was causing her to reevaluate everything in her life. It wasn’t necessarily anything had happened dramatic externally, but the internal shift was having her look at making dramatic changes in her life.
Standing there holding her surfboard as the sun set, she expressed her need to reinvent her life.
As I asked the questions and listened, allowing her to unwind the emotional ball of thread, I related to her the quote attributed to Thomas Carlyle: “No pressure, no diamonds.” I shared with her the experience of the times I had to reinvent myself, to completely change my life, and the struggle leading up to those choices.
She recognized the experience, and I related that even when you don’t see it, and there are times when you won’t, there is light at the end of the tunnel and it will change.
I wasn’t really surprised that she was going through this, but it did inspire me to write about it. So many of the people I talk to, both friends, acquaintances, and clients of my coaching practice, are going through this experience right now.
The nature of getting to the point where you feel you need to dramatically change course in your life is rarely brought about by being happy or comfortable in a situation. Usually, when you get sick and tired of being tired and sick, you change.
In many ways, you don’t have to do anything. The process is doing it for you. It is okay to feel the discomfort, and to feel the pressure, and to feel the emotional pain. It is these experiences that may be what is necessary to push you out of your comfort zone to get to the next (beautiful) part of your life.
From my perspective, often what is taking place when you feel the need to reinvent yourself, or make major changes in your life, is that your outer reality is no longer in sync with your inner reality. That mismatch creates a friction. When you have a transformation of consciousness, it can take time for your outer life to reflect that change, and the internal disturbance is part of the fuel that moves you into that new life.
Sometimes people attempt to deal with that inner pressure and disturbance through drugs, alcohol, or other numbing and distracting agents or activities. Those things don’t actually solve anything, and often make the situation worse.
You don’t have to deal with the feeling, the feeling is dealing with you.
Once you recognize that the feeling is just an indicator that your outer world is out of sync with where you are inside of yourself, and that it is going to motivate you to move in the ways that will bring you into greater balance, then you can approach it from a different perspective. You can let that feeling be an indicator, and use that energy to clarify your direction.
One thing you don’t have to do is to figure it out right now.
We always think we are supposed to know what’s next. Life doesn’t work like that. The process is designed to get you to where you are meant to be, for the next iteration of your life and the lessons you are here to learn. So you can relax about that.
Another thing you don’t have to do is rush it. Obviously, when we are in the midst of the struggle, we just want it to be over…now…yesterday! It won’t go any faster by trying to make it go faster. That will just add more pressure.
When I work with someone who is in the midst of this kind of experience, there really isn’t anything for me to do as life is already doing it for them. Their higher self is the director. I observe the script to the best of my ability, and may state what I observe, but mostly I give someone the space to open up, to let go, and to relax into the new changes taking place inside of them.
John-Roger said that to let go and let God is to relax and be patient. This is always a good reminder, but especially at times of major change.
The other truth that has helped me immensely is to just tell myself, this too shall pass. It will. It always does. Change is the only constant on this level.
The truth of your direction in life is within. We as humans can put so many things in the way of recognizing that inner truth. The pain and discomfort is the process of pushing away those things that block us from the truth that we already actually know.
At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want. -Laozi
When you finally recognize the truth, you know it. There can be a great release when you admit it to yourself.
The good news is that you don’t have to reinvent yourself because it is being done for you by higher forces. You just need to take the next step forward.
Embrace and accept the process that you are in.
Know that the inner struggles and pressures you are feeling are actually blessings, because they will be what push you to your next level of unfoldment into the greatness of who you are and expressing that in greater ways in your life.
One thing that these times of intense transitions can do is to clarify what is important. What are your priorities in life? What do you want more of in your life?
If you are going through a period like this, I encourage you to really take it to the brass tacks, to the essential values in your life. Write them down. Look at the core values that are important to you in your life, those things that no matter what happens in your outer world, you want your life to be about.
Before you decide on making big changes “out there,” get in touch with what is really important to you in your life. That is a good first step, and you can do that even if you don’t know what is next.
And of course, if you need more assistance than that, you are welcome to seek out my help or that of someone you know who can assist you.
If you are interested in finding out more about working with Nat, respond to this newsletter or visit his website transcend.online