Moving Beyond Fear

Stepping Into The Bigger Self

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The waves have been really good lately here in Puerto Rico. I’ve been surfing a lot, but the other day I surfed only a couple hours and was exhausted afterwards. It wasn’t even a physically strenuous session.

“Why am I so tired???”

The currents weren’t strong. My physical exertion was less than usual. There was no reason to be tired. The waves were overhead but not really what I would consider big.

“So what gives? Why am I gassed?”

I realized it was fear.

Even though it wasn’t that big, it was a barreling wave breaking onto shallow reef.

When I paddled out, a good friend who is also a seasoned surfer told me he snapped his board in half earlier, and then later told me he just received a solid pounding and was getting out.

Then, my other good friend and pro surfer, paddled back out after catching a wave with blood streaming down his back from being dragged across the reef.

These were far better surfers than me, and between that and the merciless waves jacking up in front of me, I will admit to having some fear.

When I ineloquently told my friend later that I was pooping my pants out there, he said he would never know it seeing the waves I was dropping in and wiping out on, and then paddling back out like nothing.

I did eventually end up held down on the reef by an oppressive mass of water, luckily I just had a tiny cut on my foot afterwards. I felt like I got away with something, stole that cookie from the cookie jar and didn’t get caught (or hurt in this instance).

My good friend and surf coach who happened to be watching from the shore said he thought I was going to be punished when a set wave landed on my head, and was wincing while watching, but somehow I was fine.

So, yeah, I was afraid for 2 hours and fear is exhausting.

I’ve been really looking at fear lately. I’ve been working with others through their fears that keep them from moving forward in life, and at the same time working through my own.

The nice thing about being afraid in the ocean is that you know exactly what is causing your fear. The situation is inherently frightening. No matter how good you are, the ocean can humble you, scare you, hurt you, and kill you. It also can provide sustenance, beauty, and joy/stoke. It is just so much more powerful than you. The ocean is tangible, and so is the fear.

When you are dealing with those fears that hold you back from realizing the greater version of you, your expression, and your life, it is often not tangible. You feel the fear, you may even think you know what it is, and yet it still controls you. Sometimes, you realize you don’t know where this deep, unconscious fear is coming from and definitely don’t know how to overcome it. Maybe it’s something from childhood, from a trauma suffered as an adult, an inherited trait, or even a past life. You recognize that it is stopping you, but you don’t know how to even deal with it.