It's Not Personal

What others think says nothing about who you are

Once you can recognize that anything anyone else does to you isn’t personal, even when it is directed at you and affects you personally, it can be a very freeing realization.

All of your relationships exist primarily inside of you, and that means that everyone else’s relationship to you exists primarily inside of them. How others relate to you is a culmination of all of their own inner belief systems about the world, about others, about God, about existence, and about themselves. They look at you through the prism of their own psychology, which is influenced by this life, past lives, generational traumas, their own traumas, good experiences, successes, etc. Basically, the lens of their karma. 

I encourage you to start shifting your perspective that somehow its personal to you, or that how others relate to you (including your close relationships), reflects on your value or worth as a human being.

Each person is inherently valuable because they have the very energy of Spirit which animates their existence, which we call a Soul. Each person’s world reflects back to them the lessons which they are here to learn, that which we call their karma.

Seeing that what someone is doing is not personal, does not absolve them from responsibility for their actions, nor is it a valid reason for you to tolerate abuse. You have the responsibility to care for yourself first, and to choose your level of participation in situations and with people in your life.

It also doesn’t mean that there isn’t any valuable information in how others see you and relate to you. It can indicate an area for your growth and improvement. How your world relates to you can also teach you about yourself, and especially point out those areas that need healing.

When I was in the midst of a nasty legal battle, I recognized that what the other side was doing had nothing to do with me or anything I had done, only their perception of what had happened based on their own karma.

What took place outside of the legal battle was even more difficult to deal with. When they were attacking me, saying lies about me, tarnishing my reputation, causing loss of friends, loss of business, loss of opportunities, and loss of money, it definitely affected me personally and felt extremely personal, but I knew that what they were doing had nothing to do with me. It was their own traumas that they were playing out towards me. Even though I knew that, it still wasn’t easy to hold to my purpose and not go to their level and personally strike back.

I didn’t just give in to the viciousness, nor did I respond in kind. I maintained my integrity, and handled my responsibility to take care of myself first and foremost. I didn’t let them just roll over me. I had an amazing lawyer working to protect my interests and resolve the situation. Personally, I maintained my course and direction regardless of what they were doing, and regardless what others said or believed about me.

To handle the fallout in my social and business life, I used many tools to work through the internal challenges I experienced. It was the perfect opportunity to apply in an even more profound way the many things I had learned (and taught) through the years. I will share with you some of the tools I used in that situation on a personal level, to keep myself going towards a better internal experience of life.

I used many affirmations each day to remind myself of my goodness regardless of what anyone else thought of me or how they saw me (and I still use some of those affirmations years later). Here is an example of an affirmation which you can try out if you like:

I am authentically expressing and accepting all of who I am as good, regardless of anyone’s story about me or how they relate to me. I allow them the dignity of their own process without it meaning anything about me.

I worked to energetically disconnect myself from the other’s world view including how they saw me, by using the energetic clearing tools I learned from my teacher. Here’s a simple technique that you can try to start out with this (the more complex tools can take years of training):

Put your hand on your forehead

Say “disconnect  ___[person’s name/situation/world view/view of me]____ through Spirit”

Release your hand

Take a deep breath in and out (which usually happens naturally when you let go)

Another way that I cleared the openings inside of me was through forgiveness. You can just say forgiveness statements about whatever judgements you have on yourself, the other person, or the situation.

You are forgiving the judgements you are holding, not the actual situation or what others are doing. Judgements being those blocks of energy that we hold with negativity inside of ourselves. Here are some examples:

I forgive myself for judging myself as too trusting…not good enough…etc

I forgive myself for judging ___[person]__ for how they are behaving towards me and how they see me

I forgive myself for judging myself for not seeing this coming

Etc.

During that time, I leaned on the very few good friends who stuck by my side, including my girlfriend at the time. For their support, I am eternally grateful.

I also processed what was going on with a life coach who I had hired. Having someone outside of the situation to talk to was extremely helpful in getting clarity. Now that I am a life coach, I get to do the same for others. If you’d like to know more about the life coaching I provide, you can schedule a consultation with me here.

As the world I had known seemed to be imploding, and a lot in my future was uncertain, the key was to recognize, and keep reminding myself, that however the other people saw me had nothing to do with the reality of my goodness. This is really important to remember especially during intense situations like this.

It is also true that whatever those other people were doing had nothing to do with the inherent goodness of who they are, even if their expression didn’t reflect that. I can recognize the goodness of another’s Soul without needing to participate in or support their expression into the world.

Once you truly recognize this, your life becomes one of greater choices. You no longer need to react as if you are the victim of others views of you, but can choose to go towards what is important to you regardless of what others think while still recognizing the divinity of yourself and each person.

You can more clearly decide that your participation with someone isn’t a reflection of their or your goodness, but rather a preference on the expressions you are choosing to participate in, based on the direction you are going in your life.

And that is living a life of integrity.

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If you are interested in finding out more about working with Nat, respond to this newsletter or visit his website transcend.online